That was a busy spring, 41 assignments to referee kids’ soccer games in May and June, the majority 14-to-16-year-olds.
The playoffs start in early September, but I may not be back. I’d like to be, but investigations are under way, and I could be booted out of minor soccer by then.
Yes, I’ll find some way to tie this into education, pointing out something about kids being active, or that the events I describe herein would generally involve teenaged students getting involved in the community by acting as referees, rather than adult refs like me.
I noted in a previous blog that an 11-year-old developmental girls’ team was filing a complaint about me back at the end of May. I acnowledged failing to notice that the visiting team — which won 5-0, though that’s not relevant — had an unauthorized adult at the bench. I completely failed to notice that the bench mom’s husband came over to keep her company during some portion of the match.
The coach of the home team did in fact file a complaint, and he’s pursuing it doggedly, with both Winnipeg Youth Soccer Association and Winnipeg South End United. No word yet about taking it to the Manitoba Soccer Association, or to FIFA. But I’m getting snippy again.
The coach has demanded as a preliminary step that I never again be assigned to referee his games.
I followed quite closely the recent coverage of indoor minor lacrosse’s short ban on spectators from its games, because of referee abuse by parents. And I’ve followed intensely the coverage of WYSA’s disciplining of teams and coaches. I wasn’t involved in any of those incidents, though I have refereed matches this spring of two of the teams prominent in dispatches.
Of the matches I did in the past two months, I probably dealt with about 50 to 55 coaching staffs. The vast majority are pretty nice to their kids, and with me they’re collegial, cordial, and sometimes even cheerful. I had problems with coaches maybe half a dozen times. Same with parents, I had problems with them yelling at me or at players maybe half a dozen times. My major complaint about parents is how few of them come out, once the kids turn 14, and their reluctance to take on the job of handling the sideline flag duty.
Last week I had a coach bellowing at me late in the match, quite enraged. It was a pretty rare occurrence. The opponent pretty much had the match in the bag at that point, but his players were on the attack, and he was hugely upset that I had failed to call a defender for allegedly deliberately handling the ball inside the box, which would have given his team a penalty kick. While I was on top of the play, nevertheless, with this being recreational soccer, there were half a dozen kids clustered closely and wailing away at the ball, and all I saw were three kids’ backs between me and a ball bouncing around somewhere in the pack of a dozen flailing feet.
Maybe the coach saw what I didn’t, but he was enraged and wouldn’t stop until I’d twice spoken to him firmly. As I walked to my car afterward, he was doing a rant with his players about my incompetence.
When I told my supervisor about the incident, he immediately recognized the coach as someone who’d hollered at him during another match.
Around all the coverage of the lacrosse and minor soccer incidents this spring, people talked about how it’s a tiny minority of coaches and parents that causes all the problems.
That’s quite true.
Every time my game reports cite a problem, it’s almost invariably someone or some team that the vast WSEU officiating bureaucracy has heard about from other referees.
I coached soccer for 10 years, and back in high school and university, baseball for four years, and the abuse I’ve taken as a soccer referee does not even register on the scale of the abuse I took as a coach. As a referee, so far at least, I have never considered myself physically threatened. I’ve been able to walk directly to my vehicle after each match, no one has come to my house, I haven’t been served with legal action, and no one has harassed me at work.
But, still…….
The coaches and parents who cause all the problems, as few in number as they are, do not accept that there are rules by which they have to conduct themselves, nor do they accept that the rest of us act under a certain standard of civilized behaviour to which they should also be subject.
Less than 90 games into being a referee, I call games tightly, though not punitively. Some coaches have told me that I call a lot of fouls that others don’t. But just as in all those years of coaching, when I never kicked a kid off a team or asked for the club to impose a no-contact order against a parent, I have not kicked a coach or parent out of the park. I’ve imposed one red card and maybe 20 yellow cards.
But back to the complaint lodged against me. Does it come as any surprise that other referees have reported problems with this team?
I had no problems with the kids that night back in May. There were a few fouls to call, from clumsiness rather than malice, and a few offside calls. The parents were the worst I’ve encountered in two seasons.
I spoke sharply to the coach a couple of times after he did hissy fits, jumping up and down, spinning around, yelling at me, after a couple of routine calls. After the match, he confronted me on the field and demanded that I verify that all adults at the opponent’s bench had certified coaches’ cards. When I subsequently told him I’d missed the bench mom’s hubby, he demanded that I tell him the process for filing a complaint against me.
After that, as I was doing my post-game paperwork, over came the assistant coach. She told me with all the sarcasm and contempt she could muster, that I’d done a great job.
The coach’s version is that I was ‘aggressive’ in giving his players pre-game instructions, and had terrified them. I speak differently to 11-year-olds than I do to 16-or-18-year-olds, but the gist is the same. I tell them I want a clean match, that when I call fouls or offsides, that I don’t want anyone to argue with me, that I expect them to be civil to me, civil to the opponent, and civil to each other, that I want everyone to behave and have a good time and leave the pitch healthy. Players on developmental teams have already been tiered, and will as teens form the premier and regional competitive teams, not to mention the provincial teams. If being told not to commit fouls, and to behave nicely, terrifies them, I shudder how they’ll adjust to premier soccer.
The coach also says in his complaint against me that he came up to me at halftime and asked politely and reasonably that I allow him to examine the coaching cards of the opposing team, but that I refused, quite forcefully and rudely.
On this may hinge whether I am allowed to return to refereeing in the fall. I always put in my game reports if a coach has approached me during or after a match, and what the tone and attitude were. I didn’t report any half-time contact that night. It’s his word against mine.
What I remember about half-time that night — skip this paragraph, if you’re at all sensitive about bathroom stuff — is that I availed myself of the porta-potties at Grant Park, and that their condition was way beyond disgusting. That is in my game report.
When your kid signs up to be a community referee, he or she has to be at least two years older than the players. The coach who’s pursuing the complaint against me, most of his team’s games will be handled by 13-and-14-year-olds. It will be a kid entering Grade 9 or 10 in the fall who will have to deal with those coaches and those parents, and it will be your kid who’s the one who could be facing discipline, not the obstreperous coaches or parents.
Have a nice summer.